Howto: Turn a 2 hour meeting into a 14 hour work day

18 10 2008

This is an howto for those of you with too much spare time. I will show you how to turn a 2 hour meeting into a 14 hour workday.

1. Move to Sydney
2. Get a job with a company that forces you to use the worlds most useless travel agency
3. Make sure you arrange a meeting with a customer in Melbourne
4. Use said travel agency to book your flight from Sydney to Melbourne at 7.15am. Also make sure to tell them that you want to return that same day at 2am
5. Order a taxi for 5.45am to go to the airport
6. At the airport, try to check in electronically (which, off course, will fail)
7. Queue up to check in
8. Board the plane by going to your gate. Make sure to pass through the security checkpoint
9. Arrive in Melbourne (this should happen automatically if you boarded the right flight) at around 8.45am
10. Queue up for a taxi (this can take somewhere between 5 and 30 minutes)
11. Arrive at destination 45 minutes later (if you are lucky, time is now 9.45 so you could go for a quick coffee)
12. Have meeting with customer
13. Leave customer and try to get a taxi. This, again, is somewhere between 5 and 30 minutes
14. Arrive at airport around 1.30pm
15. Try to check in electronically, which again will fail
16. Queue up to check in (although step 15 and 16 seems repetitive, it’s necessary)
17. Arrive at counter only to be told that there you have no flight booked for the day
18. Go online to frequent flyer members page to find out that the return flight was booked for tomorrow
19. Back to counter only to be told that they can not changed it there. Have to go to their Sales inquiries for that
20. Queue up for their Sales counter
21. Talk to Sales rep, only to find out that they can not change it. Only the travel agency that booked it can
22. Ring travel agency, tell them that you actually wanted to go home the same day. Listen to apologizes while the rep changes your flight. Pay attention when they let you know that you got the last spot on the 3.30pm flight. Make sure you thank them for their efforts.
23. Queue up to check in for your 3.30pm flight
24. Enter the airport (via security check point). Get asked for permission to sweep you for drugs (this step is sort of optional. You can actually refuse, but then you are not allowed to fly)
25. You now have an hour for lunch so eat something (you will need this)
26. At 3.10pm, listen to the announcement that there is a problem with your plane. They will update you as soon as they know more
27. Keep wondering what’s happening (the airline will try to keep you in the dark as much as possible)
28. Listen to several more announcements about how they are trying to fix the issues with your plane. Also watch the boarding time moving forward all the time (3.40pm, 4.10pm, 4.40pm etc)
29. Now, and this is very important, listen to the final announcement where they tell you that the aircraft can not be fixed, but they allocated another one at a different gate.
30. Once you arrive at the gate, listen to the next announcement and laugh to yourself about those poor travelers who’s flight was canceled so that you could get an aircraft. You will feel even better knowing that most of those passengers will not be able to fly to Sydney that Friday night.
31. Finally get on plane and wait for 30-45 minutes while they try to find some missing passengers
32. You should now be on your way back home to Sydney
33. Arrive in Sydney at 6.45pm
34. Line up for taxi (this time, it’s a minimum of 30 minutes wait time)
35. Arrive back home at 7.45pm

For what it’s worth, the meeting was great 🙂

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4 responses

18 10 2008
Hub

Return the same day at 2 am?

18 10 2008
Captain Magnus

That’d be good, except that all flights were booked out and I was “lucky” to get the last spot on the 3.30pm flight….

19 10 2008
Bryen

Seems to me that if you got home at 7:45 p.m. when you wanted to get home at 2 a.m. that the travel agency did a bad job and should have made you stay somewhere for another 6 hours before you got home at 2 a.m. How dare they get you home earlier than expected! There oughta be a law against this!

19 10 2008
Jo De Baer

… at step 29 remember it was pretty funny when they said “Please proceed to gate 3 for boarding *and* departure of your flight ” … apparently those two activities can be spread out over 2 gates at Melbourne airport …

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